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  • Writer's pictureThe Cheeky Mummy

Icecream Men* Are Sadists

Updated: Apr 22, 2018

Ice-cream men* are sadists.... or sociopaths or whatever type of 'path' it is that has no empathy or perhaps even get's a little kick put of other people's misery. They have to be one of the above otherwise how can they watch the scenes that unfold before them at probably every stop they make. For context I'll recant the little tale of woe that unfolded in our cul-de-sac today and almost every other day the Ice-cream van rocks up.

* I am aware there are also women so technically they should be called Ice-cream people but for the purposes of this I'm gonna run with men because when I was growing up that's what we called them

You hear it in the distance, you hope its your imagination at first or just some background noise on the telly..... the distant jingle. It gets louder and you realise that it's a reality and one of the 7 circles of hell is about to open up in your leafy Rathfarnham suburb. And then emerges a strange harmony to the jingle, it also grows in volume and pitch until finally you identify it as the excited/delirious/panicked (coz you have to be quick to catch the van) screeches of your children, bounding up the street having slung the scooters in any convenient direction so they can begin the frantic gallop headlong at you. The gabble goes something like this "mummy mummy ice-cream, the ice-cream man is here, can we get some, can we can we can we" of course there is 2 of them going at this slightly out of sync which just adds to the irritation value of it. 90% of the time you say "no", so they kick it up a notch "Pleeeeeease, please please I love Ice-cream please mummy please please PLEASE" you respond "No, you already had (insert relevant sweet treat here) today and that's enough". I'll spare you the rest of the blow by blow but suffice to say in ends up in roaring and crying, sometimes on both sides, somebody often ends up in their bedroom/time out and everything is pretty tense for a little while whilst the inevitable mammy guilt takes its icy grip on your heart (for the umpteenth time that week)

The story is only marginally better on the days you say yes, whilst your kids stand next to you with the delight rolling off them in waves as you order their ice- cream (they are afraid to utter a sound until the cone is in their hands in case this is in fact a dream and they snap you out of it). There is inevitably the little faces of the neighbour's children, its not their turn today but they stand watching anyway in hope, envy, awe or a strange cocktail of all 3 and you of course feel like a miserable shrew for not exclaiming "ice creams all round" and strutting off a hero of biblical proportions.

Meanwhile as all this transpires Mr Whippy himself passively serves 99's to the chosen few, emotionless and seemingly oblivious the to the turmoil his very presence evokes....that's just not normal surely !?!

For the record I have yet to meet an Ice-cream person who didn't seem fairly sound but if i paint them as the devil maybe i wont feel as bad for playing the witch who say's no most of the time

The Cheeky Mummy - Cara Carter runs Cheeky Squeaks teaching Pregnancy Yoga, Baby Massage and Baby & Toddler Yoga in Rathfarnham, for more info select the relevant tabs above

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