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  • Writer's pictureThe Cheeky Mummy

The Top 10 Jackasses on the Road

Drivers drive me cracked! Now I’m the first to admit that I am not the greatest driver in the world, in fact I’m fairly crap, but that’s ok because you see that’s me….I’m allowed to be crap, other people on the other hand are another story. Perhaps it’s just me who happens across every eejit on the roads, or are Irish roads jam packed with fecking clowns who shouldn’t be in charge of a tricycle let alone a motor vehicle. Now I know the legends of the time years ago when a hape of people were just given driving licences because the test backlogs were so big but surely there can’t be enough of those about to account for the down right idiots I meet on the road on a daily basis. So here’s my list of the types of drives we need to expunge

1. The Dope who can’t use a roundabout

If I were to assume that everybody does in fact know how to use a roundabout my daily driving experience would be very similar to bumper cars at the carnival. I have learned NEVER to trust an indicator. You are stopped at the roundabout, patiently waiting for you turn to enter, “ah, here we go, this one is indicating left so they must be getting off at the next exit right, because that’s how roundabouts work” WRONG! Nope, apparently some people think its appropriate to indicate left the whole way around a roundabout or not at all. Then there are the ones who have no idea what lane they need to be in on approach based on the exit they will be taking, the less said about those fools the better

2. The Thick with the ‘broken’ indicators

Ah yes, these are one of the most common. Its like the car doesn’t have indicators. There they are meandering across lanes, breezing around corners, diving out into traffic all the while relying on your powers of clairvoyance to stop you from careering into them

3. The Clown who has no idea who the motor way works

The chances are you yourself might be one of these because it appears that the majority of the irish population are completely clueless as to how the lanes of a motor way work. They seem to think that if there is space in front of them they can just bomb along, NO LADS! Take a few minutes now to look it up if this is coming as a surprise to you, there are dedicated over taking lanes and its not the lane on the left….. nor are the right lanes for sitting in dawdling along at whatever geriatric pace you see fit, look on the rear view, you will have a line of wannabe over takers sitting on your bumper with a serious case of The Rage.

4. The Ignoramus who won’t let you merge

In the running for highest order of As*hole on the road. You have to merge, you have no choice its what the lane is doing. People with manners and courtesy generally let 1 person merge, this keeps everybody moving. But so often there is the absolute tool who just won’t let you merge, they bomb up your side and cling to the arse of the car in front just to block you meaning you have to break and slowdown further causing the whole queue of hopeful mergers behind you to do the same. The mergers who cling to the car in front of them and try to force the kind letter inner to let 2 cars in are also big fat tools

5. Speeding Scumbag who cuts everybody up

These don’t need much airtime, wreckless douches who bully everybody on the road, dangerously lane hopping without leaving proper clearance. They usually have broken indicators too and probably straddle a few other categories on this list

6. The Fool who follows like a lemming

We,ve probably all been sitting in a traffic jam at some point and eventually some ‘genius’ decides to use the hard shoulder to get ahead (see also ‘The As*hole who think they don’t have to queue’) but almost worse than them are the lemmings who follow. They know its wrong, that’s why they didn’t do it first, plus they haven’t the nerve, but once they see the other fool do it they think its grand…knobs

7. The As*hole who thinks they don’t have to queue

As mentioned above but they appear in various scenarios. These are the people who blaze along the lane with the shortest queue, knowing full well its not where they need to be, then they get to the top and indicate to get into the queue and actually expect people to cheerfully let them in. There are also the people who, when motor way traffic is slow get off at every junction only to get straight back on because the slip roads are not as busy. These are closely related the jackasses who get into the slip lanes with no intention of using the junction, only to indicate last minute back onto the motor way. If this is you, you are a buffoon, sort yourself out

8. The Dragged up Pup who doesn’t say thanks

Not much commentary required here. I do something courteous, I’m not looking for you to get out and write me a thank you note but a nod, lift the hand, hit the tickers, just acknowledge it, don’t embarrass your mother, remember the manners she taught you if she did indeed bother to teach you or perhaps she just dragged you up as the title suggests

9. The Obnoxious Moron who won’t give you a second

Ah yes, you are overtaking, but they are overtaking faster. You absolutely will get out of their way once it is safe to move in, but its been 2.5 seconds and they sit on your behind and flash their lights. If im honest sometimes I take longer then just to annoy them

10. The Oblivious GobSh*te

Oblivious Gobsh*tes can sit in many of the above categories and they just don’t realise it, they are sitting in the outside lane doing 50, not a fecking clue of the chaos they are causing behind them. These are the people who sway into your lane without warning and have no idea you just had to slam on your brakes. The scenarios are endless but you get the gist. Also knobs

So lads just have a little think and ask yourself if you fall into any of the above, be honest now. If you do, its ok, its not too late to change your ways and lead a decent life. Meanwhile if any of you spot me at any of the above please pretend you didn’t see it, and don’t report me to Blogger’s Unveiled please 😊

I'm only shocked this type of thing doesn't happen more often

The Cheeky Mummy - Cara Carter runs Cheeky Squeaks teaching Pregnancy Yoga, Baby Massage and Baby & Toddler Yoga in Rathfarnham, for more info select the relevant tabs above

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